Resiliency and Abuse...

On a sweet day in December of 2001 I went to my doctor for my yearly checkup, something I did just to monitor my well being and to keep my insurance company happy. Life was pretty good, things although not perfect were moving long well. A new business I had begun was growing, money was not really an issue, and although my marriage was iffy and my elderly mother who lived with me had Alzheimer’s, all was ok, doable. Yet looking back is see all this exerted much pressure upon me; something I see had a profound effect upon my health and mental clarity.

On that day my blood was drawn, an ECG (Electrocardiography) was taken and I left my doctors office not thinking I’d see him again till next year, surprise! Two days later I received a call from his office asking me to come back in, he had something to discuss with me. I figured my cholesterol was probably too high since I had not been watching my diet as well as I should, so I called, made an appointment, and saw him the next day. He said Gabriel your blood work came back and there are some concerns, I’ll have to refer you to a hematologist. I said ok, thinking nothing of it, assuming my diet had my blood in disarray, that I’d get a talking to, and my life would continue on...

The appointment day came, I showed up at the office, an extension of University Hospital in Tamarac Florida. I was in a great mood, played with the nurses, the one who drew my blood was cute and I flirted a bit, all the time thinking all was well. It was not...

After waiting for a bit, they had a lab in house, I finally saw the doctor, a cold man who I saw more of his back than his face as he stood back to me flipping through my chart. While still back to me he said Gabriel your numbers are way off, please lie on the exam table face up. He finally turned and began to palpate my abdomen and in only a second said “your spleen is huge, did you not feel this?” I had not, my belly had recently grown, but I thought it was the food and drink and nothing more.

Again he turned his back and began to write offering me these words, “Gabriel you are very sick. The exact nature of your disease is not yet clear, but it is severe based on your very enlarged spleen and low blood counts. I will have my nurse schedule a bone marrow biopsy.” He was about to walk out when I demanded more information asking “doctor tell me what are the possible causes of this and how serious are these?” he turned looking not so happy to have to offer me more time and began to spit out a list of nasty things. Hairy cell leukemia, lymphoma, myelofibrosis (who knew this would be the one since I had never heard of it and it was the most deadly and rare). I asked “can these kill me,” he said yes.

He then turned leaving the room at a break neck speed as to escape before I asked more questions. I was shocked and angry that after giving me such bad news he would walk away, soo cold leaving me in this little room alone. Well I did not stay there long, I took off after him calling his name, he continued to walk, I caught up to him grabbed his shoulder and spun him around, saying “doctor you cannot tell me this and then just walk away... we need to talk” he said “there is nothing to talk about, you need a bone marrow biopsy, my nurse will schedule it”...

The story goes on, you’ll find it complete in my book and on the net soon, the message of this piece is about how mindless we are about our bodies state of being, how I could have walked around dying with a huge spleen and had not known a thing.

During my lectures I use a prop, it’s a sweet little plant, I carry it out, show it to the audience and say “sweet isn’t it, healthy looking yes?” then from behind the lectern I pull a can of coke saying, “oh little plant you look thirsty” and begin to act as if I’m going to “water” this plant with it. Many in the audience gasp, some laugh, but there is always response...

I then stop before actually pouring the poison into the plant, I say “I see many of you think it would be a mistake to water a plant with coke and yet we drink this garbage, this and worse every day”. If I had poured the soft drink into the pot, the plant would have died quickly, most likely by morning.

The blessing and curse of our sweet bodies is it's resiliency, that it can take a beating and keeps on living. If we were like the plant, we would have immediate feedback screaming at us saying “stop!” but because we are so resilient we continue, day after day, month after month, year after year to pour crap into our bodies thinking all is well. This mindless abuse leads to days like the ones I told you of above, days of surprise as we are told the years of abuse have come to offer their nasty payback.

This resilience breeds a mindless attitude of abuse, one in which we take this life, this sweet opportunity for granted, living our lives pouring, inhaling, and soaking up the poisons of the world we've created... Everywhere we look, if we look, is death, from the antiperspirant we spray under our arms, the food we put into our mouths, to the toxic news we watch over and over again on the death tube.

My friends just because the poison we consume does not immediately show its nasty intent, please don’t be deceived, it is killing you. Don’t let the strength of this flesh suit we live in delude you into a belief that all is well, it is not, and the piper will have to be paid, and the price is high, very high...

Don’t take this life for granted, don’t assume all is well, educate yourself, give yourself the same grace, offer the same mercy as you do your pets, you would not feed your dog or cat half the crap you feed yourselves, saying “the vet says” they should eat this and not that, we buy special formulas, offer them clean water (not coke) to drink... Friends awaken!

Save yourselves... Know that it is up to you what will happen, that the thoughts, words and actions of today, yesterday, and all the days you’ve lived so far are at this moment an accumulation of all you've done, one waiting to hit that critical mass, one that most likely has you sitting on a fence, a fence that divides life and death, wellness (the appearance of) and disease... The next nasty thing might be the one that takes you over to the other side, you are at a tipping point, don’t be deceived, you may be ready to fall over to the bad side of the fence... don’t do it; you may not find your way back.

The good news is the healthy, vital, sexy side of that fence is there for you, you can tip over and move into a fine life, one that offers you all the strength to live a sexy, active life long into your later years, to live long, one hundred years or more; not sitting in a wheel chair or shuffling around on a walker, demented, but one with a strong mind and body, one that is useful and full of joy till the day you pass into Bardo (the time between lives). Please friends awaken, again I say AWAKEN!

I send you all waves of joy, peace, and understanding... Be well...gabriel

If you want to learn more about how to stay well, or get well, click on this text it will transport you to my site.

I Came Back.. You Can Too

It took me four years full time to get well. What I did was the exact opposite of what I considered (through much meditation, asking, and honest introspection) had brought me to my knees.

The day after my diagnosis I closed my business, went on a fast, joined a Zen group, and literally turned my world upside down. Coming from a technical background where I had trouble shot $60K pieces of video gear day in and out, designed studios, etc. I said to myself "if I can fix them I can figure out what's killing me and fix it too."

So I took my skills and went at my body; researched, asked, busted balls, spent all my money, then begged for free help, went away on retreats, fasted again and again, and in the mist of it signed up for a full load at college which dismayed my friends and relatives for in their minds I was dying and what the fuck thinking going to school. They thought I should go have gone to Europe, Costa Rica, and laid on a beach and died. Instead I studied, sat on my pillow meditating, became close to a qigong master traveling the country to find the best teachers. One time I had to be emergency airlifted home from Boston after four day class arriving at my acupuncturist near death, scarring the life out of him. They all thought I had lost it, but I knew in my knower what I needed to be doing. I knew it was my mind that required healing, that my state of being had become sooo fucked up. IN order to heal I needed to rebuild myself from the inside out. To literally become a new creature.

I ate the wildest shit. I was raw for two years, lived on wheatgrass and sprouts, became soo thin I could hardly stand and knew I need to be nourished. I found a man who told me about the primal diet. A raw diet that included all foods... Meat, eggs, lots of raw butter, goat milk, cream, and raw greens. After 2.5 months eating this way I awoke... (let me say that for years I had bled every day. I’d awake with blood on my pillow, my nose clogged with it, my bed soaked with sweat from night sweats. I would sleep on beach towels to absorb the sweat, changing them many times each nite) that morning there was no blood in my nose and my bed was dry. I thought... hmmm oh how interesting... I will continue.

This was the beginning. In the next two years I worked on my spleen (it was huge), rebuilt my body, continued my schooling and received my Masters in Oriental medicine (April 2010). Today I am well, whole, educated, and positioned to offer hope and help to all those who are willing to any length  to find their healing. Considering my quest, what I was willing to endure, I have little patience for those who whine and cry, saying "I don’t like to eat that, do this".  Fuck them! Let them die (he says with a Buddha’s compassion) I say this for "it's up to us what will happen," personal responsibility is of the utmost importance. Too many people want things to be done "for them," few are willing to do for themselves..

So that’s a thumbnail of what I did. The particulars will take a book, which btw is in the works... All is well dear ones. All is well. So be it...

Smiles... gabriel

energy soup

Energy soup... this soup, like a raw vegan gazpacho, is made from whatever you have that is good for you, raw, and hopefully organic...

The one in the jar was made from reguvelac, sprouts grown in soil, sprouts grown in air, greens,(kale) carrot, sea weed, spirulina, cilantro, bee pollen, goji berries, coconut oil and cayenne pepper to balance the yin/yang of it.

Raw greens are very cooling to the system, if you have a tendency to become damp (carry or put on weight easily, phlegm in lungs, lung problems, diarrhea, UTI's) or if you are cold (cold hands, feet, aversion to cold air and wind) or if you live in a damp/cold climate, always put something warming into your smoothies/energy soups salads, etc. and NO ICE CREAM FOR YOU!

Click on this text to find more information about energy soups and many other good things - please visit...

Dirty Hands, Frightened Minds

This little note was in response to a FB post what asked... Why don’t waiters wash their hand, change their gloves, etc?

So I went off.. Surprise ha? Hee hee.......

An aside... I was at Whole Foods the other day (another place I’m really not happy with) while checking out I looked down to watch the young man scanning my food, he pick a piece of my fruit and suddenly I noticed both his hands and arms where covered with open sores. YIKES!

I was shocked and disgusted, but in kindness to the lad I didn't say a word, but instead found the manager and mentioned the condition of the boy. He looked at me like "what's your problem" I said “do you think it's proper for this boy to be handing food?” to which he shrugged his shoulders and said "I don't have time to examine all my cashiers.”

I washed my fruit well... What that said, let me carry on...

Like everything else that has to do with business and mind there are problems that need be addressed... good luck...

First one must have the mind to do things correctly; this means being educated to what that is and to have the intention to do what your education has taught you...

Next business... I'm getting to really dislike that word, for in business one often loses (if they ever had one) their integrity and positive intention as the strain of making money, keeping it, growing it and keeping up with all this world has convinced us is necessary for happiness. The weight of this load often bends the backs of even the best of us. If it costs a penny, they would spend it, if it takes a moment, they won’t take it... It is the manifestation of greed and fear... a nasty combination...

I know, I know, there are a few who are not in this box.. Sorry for the box, but look around, where do you find truth, integrity, good service or product. Capitalism is a killer... Mindless living steals from both the participant and all those within reach of their energy field...

big smiles...

Is this world for sale.. and if so, who owns it?

Is there really a mine and yours?

This note is in response to what I daily see and hear all around me. The now long embedded idea that this earth, this universe is for sale to the highest bidder. We already have companies offering trips into space; soon the moon will have Hilton hotels, casinos, etc., then mars, then??? Who gave anyone permission or the idea that they own or can own any of this?

If we do not control our lusts there will be nothing left for generations to come... This lust to own is a manifestation of the sense of entitlement many have, thinking that the world is theirs to buy and own if they have the money to do so...

This idea that having “made it” entities us to take, own, destroy or horde is the manifestation of a sociality, a world soo caught up in “mine mine mine” that there is no room for the rest of us... At this moment there is an antique car action going on, selling cars I personally have purchased in my youth for pennies, now for hundreds of thousands of dollars... meanwhile millions suffer, but these “made ones” only seek to satisfy their lusts.... Oh yes some of them give, but only under the advice of their accountants who help them steal from all of us by playing with the tax laws...

No one should own a tree, a piece of property, a drop of the ocean or a star in the sky, these are all community property. The desire to own will soon blow up in all of our faces as these things become more and more hard to own, as these items literally “run out”... Sorry to say, but human beings will not put up with this, they will rebel. Those on their estates will not have enough money to protect themselves from the thousands who will be at their door demanding their piece of the pie. This is what is on the horizon... wake up folks... Revolution is just around the corner...

And btw:... this same scenario will play itself out as sick people will also show up at doctors’ offices and hospitals with guns demanding their sick and dying loved ones receive the care they need/deserve. People... where is your compassion?

Sorry my friends, but if someone doesn’t yell fire all of our asses will soon burn... Be well...gi

What disturbs you?

Peace...

Hello my friends... I’m soon to leave, but a sweet friend reminded me of all those who enjoy my words and offered the topic “attaining peace.” Oh not too big a topic ha? It's ok, I’ll offer my opinion and all will do with it as they please...

Peace, what is peace? For me it is attaining balance, for where balance is achieved many of the items that disturb our peace will have been dealt with... but it’s a bit more difficult than words lead us to believe, for peace of mind is the cornerstone to peace in general, for we may have all the practical, physical things all in order yet still be disturbed, very disturbed.

So what causes these disturbances? I have come to the conclusion it is our perpetual evaluation of all that surrounds us and our equally perpetual dissatisfaction with what has arisen, the things we call our lives. So how do we change this?

First we need to take a close look at what we desire in order acheive satisfaction. let me ask "what will satisfy you?" Next look at that list to see if what is listed are items that truly satisfy; are substantial and lasting, or are we placing our hopes and expectations on shifting sand? (best to not expect anything, just live)

The next item is our mind, the state of it and our clear view of what it is viewing and what these views generate in our mind. This is best done via a simple mediation offered to lessen the reactiveness of our minds, this reactive state is what keeps us unhappy, disturbed, for things we don’t like, have aversion to, are all a part of the stream of consciences that passes each of our noses every moment of the day.

This is a general idea of what to do. While sitting watching these arisings, we let them pass without evaluation, by doing so we find we need not follow every leaf that floats down the stream, just see them, recognize their appearance, and let them pass. This practice builds the ability to walk, drive, sit, play or make love in the moment, no projecting, no evaluating, just living, in this moment, this slice of life, knowing all is well.

If we are breathing well, are without pain, then all is well, even if we are not, seeing these so called negative things clearly, accepting their existence, and as such, the way things are, offer us peace... try it..

If you or your group desires instruction in mind training I offer a secular version of a combination of both Japanese and Tibetan Buddhist strategies for working with mind, finding peace, knowing one self... If you’d like me to speak to your group, offer instruction, etc. I am available based on an hourly rate + expenses... I also offer private instruction.

subtlethings@bellsouth.net

http://www.subtlethings.com

http://changeyourmindchangeyourbody.blogspot.com/

Time Well Spent

Let's trust ourselves... Be brave.

Hello my friends...  I'm a practicing Buddhist. One who is open to hearing from many sources. While practicing I've been exposed to practitioners of all sorts, seeking knowledge they studying the dharma, meditate and consult with their teachers and "space". The are those who study little, instead perpetually dive off the springboard of the foundational truth “space is information” believing there is no need to learn what others know, that it is best to learn for oneself though communicating with "space" on ones pillow (in meditation).

Now it is said, all is empty, everything composite is illusion and that we live and swim in an impermanent soup of perception composed of a composite of all things manifest, a soup which has no reality in itself demostrated by the fact it does not last, falls away the instant it has manifest, and as such is unreal. Also unreliable in the next moment. 

This is all good, but to what end is this information to be used, and how much of it is needed in order to live this life well and to do the work of a Buddha; an awake compassionate human being?

To think too much about something which has no fundamental reality (if you believe it is so) is a waste of our precious lives, time better spent living the life of a bodhisattva (a compassionate being whose intentions and actions are aimed at relieving suffering, that of their own and others) for to know and not do has little worth, and to do without knowledge will bring little positive results. We need to find balance.

So who can answer this question of balance? Well certainly not me for you, instead we all have this responsibility to find balance between compassion and wisdom, doing and knowing, and the time spent in these activities, for our lives are short, our time precious, and the needs to be met great.

I encourage all who are “on their way” to use their minds, to not be like lemmings who jump to their death following what’s in front of their nose whether it be true or not because of their fear of not knowing, or possibly “doing it wrong.” My friends once you have found your way to the silence found in communing with space trust in what arises before you, be fearless in your actions, and do good.

This way of living will never betray you, for all gurus, lamas and roshis know they have received from the source of all knowledge and would point you there. Run from any who would point to themselves. Go there today and harvest your bounty. Eat it and give it away in a loving hug to all sentient beings...

Warm smiles...gi

http://www.subtlethings.com/